Day 201

I have been thinking lately...

I usually posts about the kiddos and their ups and downs with type 1..

But the other day I had a bit of a break down..

Nothing major happened.. Craigs pump meter was left at church so I had to go back and get it.. but no one was there so I had to wait around for an hour for someone to open the church just hoping I would find it there.. Luckily I did. 

As I sat there waiting, I thought "It is always something..!"

My lack of sleep makes me emotional and I started to cry.. over a meter..

And although my emotions were not about the "meter" it was part of it.  Diabetes is hard, and changes the lives of the whole family... Lately, its been really hard.

I thought maybe I should share a bit, because I KNOW there are parents out there going through the same things..

You try to be strong for your kids. Diabetic or not.

You do all you can to help them and ease their pain.

You worry about them, their emotions, the highs and lows. the frustrations of diabetes.

You exhaust yourself with constant calculations, midnight checks, late night site changes, shots, snacks, educating everyone you can about their disease so you know they will be safe, while ALSO taking care of the "normal" everyday things  for your whole family like, cleaning, working, cooking and tending to your whole family...
Paying for bills, regular and medical is overwhelming.  
Boy Scouts, sports, school, puberty, fighting kids, pets, projects, and so much more..

IT IS A LOT OF WORK.

And it can be really hard.

Lately, I have felt emotionally and physically exhausted.

I do not do well on lack of sleep.  I have let myself go.. I honestly style my hair and wear makeup like once a week.. I feel out of shape, tired and a total mess!! Id probably wear sweats everyday if I could. 

Everyday, I feel like Im just trying to stay above water. 

I often feel like I havent been able to enjoy being a mom the past few months because I have been completely tired and overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities.  I havent really laughed.. or ran and played with my kids.. because when ever I have a chance, I try to rest.  That is hard for me.. I LOVE being a mom.  And I want my kids to know that. 

I feel like Im am just "surviving" right now.

I dont need anyone to feel sorry for me, or whatever, Im just sharing my feelings and the way things are here right now.  Life comes in chapters, and this one my friends, is a really hard one!!

I know we will get though it, I know things will get easier, and I know we will all be just fine, but right now, its hard, really hard.

Being a mom is difficult some times.. It is a full time busy busy job!  Add diabetes in the mix and its ...I dont know how to put it, but its just a lot. 

I would do anything for my kids and I know they know that.  I would never want them to think they or diabetes is a burden.  because diabetes or not, I love my kids and love them just how they are. 

But the truth is, right now, Im having a hard time juggling all life has in front of me right now.