First off, her signs:
she had to go potty all the time..like every 20 minutes..sometimes even more.. she was hungry and thirsty all the time, even in the middle of the night..
Lets be honest here, the thought that Madi could be Type 1 Diabetic did not run through my mind...even after just going through this with Craig...
Im sure it was denial.. but I again thought UTI...I have heard of young kids getting UTIs, although none of my kids ever had..or maybe she was just being a 4 year old and had to go a lot..
But..the moment I made that phone call to get her in for an appointment I had a sick feeling in my stomach...but again I ignored it and was going to be babysitting that morning, so Hain took her...I wasnt worried that morning..
I was babysitting and cleaning and text Hain to see if they got a room yet at the pediatrician..He called me right back and said "Nope, we are not in a room anymore..we are on our way to the lab"
My stomach sunk and the words came out of his mouth "madi is Diabetic too"
Tears just started flowing....I was a little preoccupied because I was babysitting 2 young ones, but the tears and worry wouldnt stop..I had to call their mom and she picked them up....There was no way I could handle babysitting under the worry and stress I was dealing with at this time..
I waited patiently (okay okay, I am not patient, lets be real....) for Hain to get home.. he and Madi walked in..her usual smiling face, but all I could see was MY worry and MY pain...she looked her normal self.....
How on earth are we going to do this?? She is 4...just our baby....I cannot do this... I really cant.. My sweet girl...
The doctor told us they would be calling a in a few hours to tell us the out come of her labs and let us know if we needed to head to the hospital.. They called back and said her levels went down from the time they checked them in office, to the lab.. SO they made an appointment for us for Monday..(It was Wednesday) By 5 pm I thought we should check her blood.. I was taking Craig to get a haircut, the boys had 2 games that night and no one had dinner yet.... but I checked it really quick..Yes, she screamed the whole time... Well her glucose was 564....That worried me.. I called the doctor and they called back within minutes..."Get her to the hospital" is what they said...
So we left the hair cutting place with no haircut, Hain took the kids for dinner and I went home to pack a bag for the hospital.. Ya, we have done this before.... we were gonna need clothes....
On the way to the hospital there was a storm, a huge storm rolling in...It was super windy and dark..I felt like thats how my life was at that moment...I couldnt stop crying every time I thought of it..and the long road ahead for our little girl...
and for us..Its hard..
Dealing with Type 1 Diabetes is HARD...Its a lot for the child.. pokes and shots, several a day..watching for lows and making sure they get up to a good number, making sure they have the right snacks for that, making sure we count carbs for every meal, doctors appointments, pharmacy bills......
People have said in the past 4 months about craig "Is it all normal now?, You guys have it all figured out now right?", and "Well, it all will get easier"
ya things got a little "easier" but it is a constant thing..a constant worry.. about numbers..and its never normal...we have 4 kids...and if you have 4 kids you know its hard to keep up..with school, sports, scouts, callings, laundry and cleaning... so add in all of the things that come with Type 1..blood checks, lows that require fixing, doctors visits, pharmacy visits and bills....Dealing with his school had been hard too..They have been great, but just everything that comes with that as well and making sure he is okay and comfortable when we are not there... he gets lows at school..and need to leave class.. he was in the hospital a few weeks ago for being sick and puking and we couldnt keep his number up, so he missed school, he missed for doctors appts..he misses a lot of school, then has to make everything up..7th grade is rough anyway..and he is in accelerated classes and he has a lot of work to make up...Its all just been a lot to deal with, for him and us.. But we have been managing..and fighting together as a family to find a new normal...
And we had only been doing this for a little over 3 months..... we are still figuring it all out and even if we have it figured out, its a lot...a lot to handle..and now.. our 4 year old has this? how are we going to do this is all I could think...H..O..W.....
Well Miss Madi fell asleep on the way to the hospital, so I had some quiet time.... to think... and try to be okay with what was ahead... we arrived at the hospital and she woke up just in time.. they got us right in...
Well for a 4 year old, I can only imagine what a hospital visit is like.. New nurses coming in..every one of them doing something painful to you...She had a very hard time.. and I ended up in tears a few times... I had to hold her down..as she looked in my face in terror...screaming and crying... And all I could do is hold her and try to tell her it was going to be quick.. finger pricks..IV pokes... blood draws.. more finger pricks and then by the evening, insulin shots...It was heartbreaking to say the least....I felt like every time I told her it wouldnt hurt or that it was gonna be okay I was lying to her.. at least in her eyes,, because I knew that she would have to do this every day....even when we go home.....
My sister came and stayed with us for a few hours that night..Hain was of course home with the kids..Luckily baseball games were cancelled due to the storm..although having them go to their games may have been better to keep every ones mind off of what was happening in our family right now...
The hardest part is just seeing your child suffer... be in pain.... be confused as to why this is happening...Madi would cry "I dont want diabetes!!" all I could do is hug her and say "I know, I dont want you to have it either..."
She would yell at the nurses "Get this out! (her IV) and Im going home!!" And "Im not getting that shot!!"
She didnt want to eat because she knew she had to get a shot for it....She is a strong little girl..and she speaks her mind, which has given me some giggles the past few days...These poor nurses..ha...they dont quite know what to do with Madi... One nurse even sent a different nurse in because she couldnt handle seeing Madi cry..They all say she is just too cute...and love her hair, so that helps her feel good..they get a quick grin, but that s it.. When any nurse walks in she tenses up and starts whining..she knows what is coming and she doesnt want it...
She absolutely hates the blood pressure checker..she screams at that too....We have to hold her down for pricks and shots..and she screams the whole time..How will I do this at home?? what if Hain isnt home??Im not ready for that...
It has been helpful to have a lot of visitors..yesterday she had quite a few and it really helped get her spirits up...
One sweet thing is that she has been asking about Craig a lot..she wants to call him and talk about diabetes and the hospital..she called him yesterday and they talked about the IV...I think she takes comfort in knowing he has it too..and that he has been here too...when he comforted her about the IV and how he didnt like it either, she looked over to me and smiled....She says he is her new best buddy now..she has been wanting him to come visit, but he cant.. I cant bring him obviously because I havent left the hospital...but we hopefully get to go home today...
And figure out how we are going to do this...because this is our life now...
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