Day 201

I have been thinking lately...

I usually posts about the kiddos and their ups and downs with type 1..

But the other day I had a bit of a break down..

Nothing major happened.. Craigs pump meter was left at church so I had to go back and get it.. but no one was there so I had to wait around for an hour for someone to open the church just hoping I would find it there.. Luckily I did. 

As I sat there waiting, I thought "It is always something..!"

My lack of sleep makes me emotional and I started to cry.. over a meter..

And although my emotions were not about the "meter" it was part of it.  Diabetes is hard, and changes the lives of the whole family... Lately, its been really hard.

I thought maybe I should share a bit, because I KNOW there are parents out there going through the same things..

You try to be strong for your kids. Diabetic or not.

You do all you can to help them and ease their pain.

You worry about them, their emotions, the highs and lows. the frustrations of diabetes.

You exhaust yourself with constant calculations, midnight checks, late night site changes, shots, snacks, educating everyone you can about their disease so you know they will be safe, while ALSO taking care of the "normal" everyday things  for your whole family like, cleaning, working, cooking and tending to your whole family...
Paying for bills, regular and medical is overwhelming.  
Boy Scouts, sports, school, puberty, fighting kids, pets, projects, and so much more..

IT IS A LOT OF WORK.

And it can be really hard.

Lately, I have felt emotionally and physically exhausted.

I do not do well on lack of sleep.  I have let myself go.. I honestly style my hair and wear makeup like once a week.. I feel out of shape, tired and a total mess!! Id probably wear sweats everyday if I could. 

Everyday, I feel like Im just trying to stay above water. 

I often feel like I havent been able to enjoy being a mom the past few months because I have been completely tired and overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities.  I havent really laughed.. or ran and played with my kids.. because when ever I have a chance, I try to rest.  That is hard for me.. I LOVE being a mom.  And I want my kids to know that. 

I feel like Im am just "surviving" right now.

I dont need anyone to feel sorry for me, or whatever, Im just sharing my feelings and the way things are here right now.  Life comes in chapters, and this one my friends, is a really hard one!!

I know we will get though it, I know things will get easier, and I know we will all be just fine, but right now, its hard, really hard.

Being a mom is difficult some times.. It is a full time busy busy job!  Add diabetes in the mix and its ...I dont know how to put it, but its just a lot. 

I would do anything for my kids and I know they know that.  I would never want them to think they or diabetes is a burden.  because diabetes or not, I love my kids and love them just how they are. 

But the truth is, right now, Im having a hard time juggling all life has in front of me right now.

Day 200

 Well we have enjoyed the beach for a couple of days.. Had a couple lows from all of the excitement.. Also The first day, Madi got sand in her site even though we put the clip in it to protect it.. So the second day, we covered it with self adhesive ace bandages.. ok, I dont think thats what it is called, but its a stretchy bandage that sticks to itself, so we wrapped her arm and it worked great. 

 She never would actually get IN the water, so I didnt worry about the pump at all.  We did take it off when we buried her int the sand

 Madi and her aunt! My aunt too!! Seriously, I cannot take pic of Madi with out a silly face!

 Me and my girl!

 Me and the kids..

 And here a re a couple pics of the kids at the Creek when we got to Washington..

We have had a hard time getting Madis pump settings where we want them... She is high at midnight then drops a ton by 3 am.. I usually have to give her a drink or gogurt at 3 to sustain her until morning...
So they made some pump changes to her basal and now she is just high ALL night..

I personally think her carb count needs to be changed too because she is high all day..which worries us.. So we change her site after a couple highs (over300) and its fine.. no kink, no problem... SO that is just frustrating! hoping for better numbers SOON!!

Day 199

Im not really sure why I am labeling these by day.. because clearly we are WAY past day 199!!

Anyway, I have noticed its really hard to post and keep up on this blog when the kids are starting the pump.. Madi has been on fora week now.  Last night she was 63 at 3 am.. So I had to wake her to get her to eat something.. When Craig would be low at night, he would kind of eat in his sleep!
Madi is a little different.. I have to really wake her up!
And she doesnt want to eat or drink at 3 in the morning!!

Last Sunday was a really rough day.
First off, I do not do well on little to no sleep!
We went to church and Madi was really high.. twice.. So we decided to change the inset (pump site).
I was walking out to the car with Madi and she said, " I just want to be a normal kid! I dont even want diabetes, diabetes sucks!"
That was it.. I broke.. I could not stop crying!
My heart broke for her... for her innocence, her pain, her frustration and her little body having to deal with type 1.
We decided to go home because I was so upset and just wanted to be home and cuddle my sweet girl..
These kids have so much they have to deal with.  They fight so hard to "be normal".
They are strong and brave... and I love them so much!

The pump is just another way of getting insulin and has its ups and downs..
She does like the fact that when she wants to eat  Kiwi between meals, she does not have to get poked again! The pump is so much better for them in that sense..

We got some exciting news from JDRF.
They are using Madis picture for their advertising for the JDRF walk this year.

How exciting is that?!! They are going to put my photography link on the back too!
I cant wait to see it!!

So, how many of you have a pumper??
What do you like or not like about it??

Day 198

 opening the inset

 getting ready..

 cleaning the site..

 preparing for the poke..

 and here she is..irritated because the first one did not work.. gotta try again...

 second poke.. wow a little more traumatic than the side view :(

 this is the needle that goes into her skin..

 great job Madi..and now we have 2 pumpers!!!

my brave girl!

Day 197

Im such a slacker..I cannot believe I havent blogged in so long.. honestly I dont even know if anyone even reads this anymore!! lol

Well, Madi's pump was approved..and well, we got it on Monday!
We go in a couple days for her to get it all programed and hooked up! She chose a green pump!

Craig had his Sports banquet. He got an athletic Scholar award for having a high GPA while doing sports.. then,  

Wednesday, Craig had his 8th grade promotion..SO...that means we have a freshman in our house!! Its kinda crazy to have a high schooler.. He is super excited for high school though!! I am excited for him as well.  He is such a great kid!

 And, there is never a dull moment here... today Madi fell off of the slide and hurt her arm.. She was really freaking out and crying in pain, so I thought she had a break.. a trip to Urgent Care and it was a dislocated elbow.  They had to re set her elbow which was really painful, but a few minutes later she was feeling a lot better!!!

This is such a random post.. here she is with a yummy breakfast.. Pistacios and strawberries! She is a picky eater, but likes weird things too!

 And lastly, she is super excited about her pump now and has a bunch of pouches she is excited to wear with different outfits!!

Day 196

oh man Ive been busy just with the school year winding down.. I will be so releived when we dont have to get up too early, wont have sports and can just relax!

On another note, MADI'S PUMP IS IN THE MAIL!!!
she should get it monday! thats exciting news over here!

And, here is a terrible phone picture of Craig accepting his Athletic Scholar award for this year! So proud of my boy! Keeping above 3.6 GPA while participating in sports.

Type 1 hasnt stopped him at all!! He is an amazing young man!! Great job Craiger!

Day 195

my sweet Madi was diagnosed 1 year ago today..

Here is where we were 1 year ago today...

Fighting those shots and finger pricks..even then blood pressure cuff..she really hated that thing!!

She has done so much this past year.. She is one tough little girl!

She has had: 

• 5 days in the hospital, including her birthday, 
• 1825 shots of insulin 
• 2555 finger pricks
• lots of doctors appointments
• lots of high numbers and lots of low numbers

And she will have this for the rest of her life..It will never go away.
She will need insulin for the rest of her life.
I love my brave sweet girl!!

Here are some pictures of Miss Madi this past year...

 At her initial hospital stay.. she was so happy to be able to play the ipad and go to the play room in the hospital!

 Halloween! she saved a lot of her candy for quick sugars when she got low!

 Madi in the hospital on her Birthday..She was so sad..The stomach bug plus type 1 will do that to you!

 Madi and her JDRF bear with a dress we made for it.

 She started using the Pen!

 Yet another doctors appointment...

 snacking on the couch!

 She started preschool!

 a tired Madi when she was low..sitting on the stairs.

 She has helped to get bags for the kids at the hospital filled with crayons, color books, games and toys!!

Madi and her Pump puppy.. she got him at her pump class! She should be getting her pump soon!
So proud of yo Madi! You are amazing and we love you SO much!