Find the joy............

Im not sure I can begin to tell you the magnitude of the lameness that my week has been but Ill try!

First off let me say that I have 4 kids; 2 that have Type 1 diabetes, I am working and going to college to get my degree and trying to keep our house together (somewhat).

I have homework to do, my kids need rides from here to there;scouts, sports, playdates, school, and who knows what else, laundry to be done, house to be cleaned, my yard is covered in weeds and I got a letter from our HOA this week, I need to go grocery shopping, get medical supplies, and sometime in there I really need to try to get some kind of rest.  

So my day to day activities/trials are constant chaos.  I love my life and all but sometimes it’s a bit much.  Im feeling emotionally, spiritually and mentally weak.  Besides all the chaos of life with 4 amazing kids, this week has been especially trying…..

Craigs CGM stopped working.  Well this might not be a huge deal except he just started HS baseball and he has practice until 7 pm.  I really depend on that CGM to warn me when his blood sugars get dangerously low at night.  Now you could say “just do a temp basal, have him eat before bed.” Well yes, that’s a great idea and we do that, we lowered his night time basal too but the problem is that he will still drop around 1am unexpectedly after baseball.  Maybe 2 nights a week this happens! So without our friend Dex, Im doing several night checks.  

When he has a great night, then Madi has a terrible night! One night this week, her CGM kept telling me to calibrate it, but her Bs was too high for it to accept it…. So it kept going off at night. I finally got her Bs low enough to calibrate and then the alarm kept going off said she was “high”… Well yes, I know she is high, she is coming down from 400! Then at about 4am the Dex went off again!! I rolled over and ignored it until about 20 minutes later when it went off again and I looked at it.  It said “Under 55”.. CRAP!  I ran downstairs to get her juice and woke her up to drink it.  I brought her in my room to sleep in my bed at that point. I don’t think I slept at all that night, then my alarm went off at 5 am to get up for work.  I got out of bed and just cried! I made it through the day and well, I survived! We all did!

Thrusday I was so excited to get off work because I knew that in less than 24 hours I’d be on my way to see my family in Washington, including my sister and new nephew!! This is a trip I have looked forward to for months!  Yay!! A mommy trip. A break from life, chaos, work, school and everything.  Well as I left work I turned right, then remembered Craig needed some new jeans before I went out of town. So I veered left and it was a right turn only.  Well of COURSE there would be an officer watching!  SO I get pulled over, can’t find my registration or insurance.  Seriously?!!  Is this really happening?!

Then its Friday, yay!! Up early to get to my flight.  I actually got there 3 hours early.  I sat at my gate and the time came to get on the plane but I noticed the destination was NOT where I was going.. I looked at my ticket booklet and the bag person wrote what looked like a C-8. Yes, gate C8 right?? I looked at my ticket and it was C18!! C18!!! I ran to the right gate and they left me.. My plane left me! I missed my flight..

Tears streamed down my face, I was devastated! Why is this happening?! I just want a weekend where I can see my family, feel at peace, enjoy some sleep, and rejuvenate my spirit!

Well I finally was able to get a new flight that left later and although I was sad I would have wasted a day at the airport instead of being with my family, at least I got a new flight!

Now this all sounds a little stressful (understatement much?) but let me tell you the tender mercies of the Lord in my life. 

This whole week our school has been doing a coin Drive for Madi and Craig’s walk team for JDRF.  It has been so sweet to see all of those coins coming in! In the cafeteria a girl told me someone in her class brought in $30! I said “that’s so awesome, I bet your class will win that pizza party” She looked at me and said, “I don’t care about pizza, I care about a cure.” Sweetest thing I heard! Especially after being up all night fighting this disease! Heck ya, I want a cure too!

That officer that pulled me over asked for my registration, license and insurance.  Well as I said I couldn’t find my registration or an updated insurance card.  He was so nice and didn’t give me a ticket for anything I have to pay for.  He gave me the no insurance ticket but all I have to do is take it to the courthouse and show my insurance card because of course I have insurance!! 

And today I missed my flight and was completely devastated but then I got a text from the school nurse saying Madis blood sugar was HI. That means over 600.  Poor Madi!! I wanted to be there so bad to help and hug my sweet girl!  Well I wasn’t there, I was sitting at the airport.  Her school nurse is amazing and I told her I could walk her through doing a site change IF she was comfortable with it.  

She said ok and put me on speaker phone.  I walked her through it and she did awesome! An hour later (yes, Im still sitting at the airport!) she text me that the site change worked and Madis blood sugar was coming down and was 280 now! From 600! So what? Well had I been on that first flight (the one I missed) I would have been unavailable to receive calls, would have not known about Madis 600 bs and would not have been able to walk her school nurse through that site change to help her feel better.  She could have gotten really sick, really fast!  

I received kind texts from friends and this was one of them

“You’re the farthest thing from a hot mess! You’ve got so much on your plate (just that I can see! I’m sure you deal with private trials like we all do as well) and you smile and put your head down and move forward all the time.   I Appreciate YOU! You’re a beautiful example to me. I wish we all had mirrors that showed us our true selves once in a while.  Well, the selves that are strong and capable and wise.  The other true selves we see enough! You’d be shocked at the powerful face smiling back at you if you got a peek at what the rest of us see in you…”

I felt so thankful for the kind text and and found comfort in it when I was having a really difficult time this week. 

It’s all in perspective.

My life feels like a jumbled mess most of the time. 

I feel like im never really put together.

But in the end, I have happy, amazing kids, a great husband, and many people around us who help us, support us and love us.  I am truly happy in our jumbled up crazy life. Yes, sometimes things are hard, really hard… a lot of this time.  But you find your true strength in you trials.  You can find the joy in them and you can push through..

So remember when times are rough, you are strong.  You are capable… You are amazing! God is with you and will help lift you up.  He will only give you trials you can handle so if you ever think “I cant handle this!” Just remember YOU CAN!! And You will! Be of good cheer, life is good, but you must look for the joy.

Now here's to a great week!!