Day 89

Last night was rough.....

We noticed a lump in Craigs arm where he gets his injections and it pushed me over the edge...
After a very long busy weekend, then that, I was just completely overwhelmed.  I was scared, worried, stressed, and felt terrible about it.

Its very hard having 2 kids with type 1..
Thats 2 kids with several checks a day, 2 kids with highs and lows, corrections, carb and protein helps, injections, 2 kids with constant worries about numbers and making them good...

I think we pay a lot more attention to madi just because she is completely dependent, as where Craig is somewhat independent.  He gives all of his own injections except for his evening dose of Lantis...

So I felt terrible when we found the lump..Like I should have been on him more about rotating sites.. I mean I tell him to, but I should have been making sure he was...

There are so many "things" to do when you have diabetes.. and just trying to be a kid at the same time..Its a huge burden/ responsibility for a kid. 

I didnt want him to think it was his fault that he has this lump..of possibly scar tissue..He should not have to feel bad or worry about things like this....

And last night all of these thoughts went through my head over and over again..
I had a complete break down..I tried to sleep, but kept crying..
I tried to not think of it, but couldnt stop.

Finally I got out of bed and folded loads of laundry, matched socks then fell asleep on the floor.. I woke up and get back in bed...It seemed like a long night...

I woke up tired..and called the doctor about his arm, He has an appointment this afternoon to get it checked out. 

Some people think diabetes gets "normal" after  a while..but it doesnt...
Some people think my kids cant have carbs or foods with any sugar, but they can..In fact, if all Craig ate was fruit and vegetables, he would still need insulin.. He needs 1 unit to eat an apple....
Some people think everything gets easier after time, but it hasnt,,,it is a constant changing disease..Their bodies are constantly changing and so there are always changes in doses to be made..

Last night I just wanted to yell "I hate diabetes" as loud as I could...

The thought of Craig having scar tissue in his arm just killed my heart... The possible complications ahead did as well...

It is so hard for a parent to see their child go through all of this... I may be venting now..Im sorry....
There are a lot of things to be thankful for and I try to stay positive on this blog..but I have to share the difficult times as well....so this can be an honest blog....Diabetes is hard....it just is....